4 january 2008 my baby brother beat the crap out of me... i called up "My Giant" to quickly ask if i could spend the weekend as my mother was dropping me off to meet friends... so i could get out of the very hostile environment... he ended up calling her cell back out of concern thinking i was in trouble... damn his intuition... well she spilled the beans on what happened... and who knows what other imbarssing tidbits... so they came up with the idea that i should move in with "My Giant," "The Hobbit," and thier two straight roommates...
the arrangement was that i was their houseboy... minus the benifits of sex... untill i could get a job... which i had no problem with... i've been cleaning for years... very easy work... took about two-and-a-half weeks... almost three to get the place managable... then i started working on diffrent cleaning projects around the place...
the last week in january - beginning week in febuary is when things started to change... around both of their birthdays... slowly as time drew on... less and less was said to me... so i started hiding away in the guest bedroom that i had taken over... playing solitaire... which i had to give up at one point, because i was playing twelve hours nonstop, killing my fingers and back... very rarely did anyone bother to say anything to me... unless to ask where something was... what was for dinner... et cetera... i gave up eating on a regular basis... and by regular basis... i mean once every other day or two days... unless someone remembered to invite me to dinner if i didn't cook...
in the middle of febuary "The Hobbit" took me out and got me drunk... which i had sworn off doing because i didn't like how his mood changed after too much alcohol... so i'm drunk and pretty much end up telling him that it seems like nobody wants me around... how lonely i've been... and to come and get me out of my room if i hang out in there... since i was a bit buzzed and on an exhileration high... i do the same to "My Giant" who had been at home once there...
the next two nights after i sad my peace... i hung out in the family room with everyone... where i still was being ignored... so i withdrew back into the room i was staying in... feeling down...
i had a fever 10-11 march 2008... and felt like crap... i was getting better as the week went onward... but that thursday was the final straw... the longest running roommate of theirs is a total asshole... plays his music loudly... fucks girls who moan loudly... both with the door open... is a major slob... doesn't respect anyone in that lives or visits the house... except for "My Giant" and "The Hobbit" who own it...
so i'm still somewhat feeling bad... and he's blasting his computer game out his speakers again... i open my closed door... knock on his alway open door... and ask him to turn the sound down just a bit... since i had been there... i have asked everyone to turn the sound down... EVERYONE... that includes my two best friends... he went off on me saying i should close my door... i told him it was... and that he should close his since its always open... so i stormed off to the family room where "My Giant" and "The Hobbit" were watching tv... and asked if i was the only one in the place that his loud noise ever bothers... i got a no...
fucking a... damn it... shit... that was it... i walked back to my room... changed out of my pajammas into going out in public clothes... grabbed some ciggarets from the freezer... and stormed out the front door...
what sucks most about mesquite... there is no where to go... nothing within the area... housing areas spread out with space in between... so i walked as far as i could in one direction farthest from the house... came do dead space... where no buildings or housing was... no lights... dark... open... over grown... space... so i turned back... got to the main intersection closest to the house... and turned right... got to another dead space... turned aound... passed the intersection... got to dead space... turned around... took a left at the intersection... and headed back home... pretty much on fucking large ass cross... i walked anywhere from two-and-a-half hours... to three hours total... i was tired... and thank goodness there was no one hanging out in the common areas when i walked in...
while on that fucking long walk... i came to the only decission i could think of... i needed to move out... but not just out of mesquite... but dallas... get the fuck out of texas all together... i didn't know where i was going... how i was gonna get there... or what i was gonna do once there... but i realized i hadn't been that upset to where i had to walk off my aggression and hurt for hours... in quite a number of years... (which i didn't get rid of all of it since i was limited on where i could walk)...
i came inside... went to the guest bedroom... and packed what little i had taken over to mesquite... oddly enough... i had enough to fill my two backpacks... and one clear garbage bag... i called it an early night and went to bed...
i woke up early... showered and dressed... made sure i had everything... made sure the room was picked up and clean... then proceeded to wait for "My Giant" to wake up... as soon as he was heading out the door... i grabbed al my crap and threw it in the back of his truck... we stopped for gas... and he proceeded to drive to my mother's house... barely anything was said on the way into dallas...
he pulled into my mother's driveway... i unloaded my crap... and i opened the side door and handed him his house keys back... it took him a moment to realize what i had handed him... i shut the door... turned around... picked up my stuff and hauled it up the steep driveway...
that was it... he said nothing... he just took off... just like i had... something i never had expected from him was a silent goodbye... i dropped my belongings on the porch... unlocked the door... walked into the kitchen... grabbed a brown paper lunch bag... and walked back out to the breezeway... to where i had the most massive panic attack ever...
i have to say... that was the third worst day in my life... as of yet...
after i pulled myself somewhat together... i picked up everything off the porch i had set down... and hauled it inside... i went to my old bedroom... and proceeded to crawl into a ball in my old bed... sometime that afternoon i passed out from the misery...
i woke up that evening... having everything from the last two-and-a-half months come running back at me... and hitting me like a ton of bricks... my head hurt... my stomach churned... my body was in shock as well as my mind... i showered... dressed... and went out to drown the pain in as much booze as i could...
the plan was to get up the next day and pick up an application for my passport... look for my high school deploma... and feel as numb as possible... without thinking of how i had just left a friendship with two people i cared so very much for...
this is to be continued...
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